What is good girl syndrome?

What is good girl syndrome?

The good girl syndrome, coined by psychotherapist Beverly Engel in her work `Nice Girl Syndrome´, is a concept that has been explored and discussed within the field of feminist psychology. This term refers to a set of behaviors and attitudes internalized by girls and women that reinforce traditional gender roles and social expectations, which end up limiting their autonomy and personal development.

Girls with this syndrome may therefore experience intense social pressure to conform to traditional gender roles, which limits their ability to explore and develop their full potential. This pressure can come from authority figures (parents, teachers, and religious figures) as well as from popular culture and the media.

What is good girl syndrome?

Good girl syndrome may be linked to the internalization of misogynistic attitudes and beliefs, where girls learn to devalue other women and themselves based on patriarchal standards of beauty, success, and behavior.

They are often faced with a “double bind” in which they are required to meet contradictory expectations. On the one hand, they are expected to be nice, submissive, and accommodating, but on the other hand, they are also expected to be independent, successful, and empowered. This contradiction creates confusion and anxiety for girls as they feel caught between two opposite expectations.

When it comes to interpersonal relationships, this also has a significant impact, as women may develop difficulties in setting healthy boundaries, expressing their needs and desires, and maintaining equitable and satisfying relationships.

Origin of the Good Girl Syndrome

Their gender socialization roots begin at an early age and are reinforced throughout life through various social institutions, such as family, education, and the media. So, let’s see how it happens:

Gender Socialization: From an early age, girls are socialized to conform to certain gender norms and expectations that condition them to be “good” or “appropriate.” These expectations may include being kind, submissive, accommodating, obedient, or avoiding behaviors perceived as “inappropriate” or “aggressive.”

Perfectionism: Girls are often encouraged to be perfectionists in all aspects of their lives, from academic performance to their physical appearance and interpersonal behavior. This can lead to overwhelming pressure to meet unattainable standards and constant self-importance.

Conflict Avoidance: They are socialized to avoid conflict and confrontation, often sacrificing their own needs and desires to maintain harmony in relationships with others. This can lead to difficulties in setting healthy boundaries and authentically expressing their opinions and emotions.

Conditional self-esteem: Self-esteem is often linked to external approval and conformity to social expectations, rather than being based on an internal and authentic assessment of oneself. This leads to an excessive dependence on external validation and a feeling of inadequacy when external expectations are not met.

Mental health risks: Functioning from the good girl syndrome can be associated with a series of mental health problems, leading to anxiety, depression, eating disorders, low self-esteem, and difficulties in establishing and maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships.

Empowerment and resistance: It is important to highlight that women and girls are not simply passive victims of these societal expectations, but are also active agents of change and resistance. Feminist empowerment seeks to challenge and dismantle these restrictive gender norms, promoting self-acceptance, autonomy, and gender equality.

Psychological effects of the good girl syndrome

The psychological effects of the good girl syndrome include a compendium of symptoms that can occur throughout a woman’s life. Therefore, it is important to know and recognize them to work on them.

Low self-esteem: They may develop low self-esteem due to the constant need to seek external approval and validation through conformity to gender expectations.

Anxiety: The pressure to meet standards of perfection and expected behaviors can lead to elevated levels of anxiety that manifest as social anxiety, fear of failure, or fear of not being “good” enough in different aspects of life.

Depression: The disconnect between gender expectations and the reality of one’s own experiences and desires can contribute to depression. Women and girls may feel trapped in roles that don’t reflect who they are, which can lead to feelings of hopelessness and despair.

Perfectionism: Good girl syndrome is often linked to high levels of perfectionism, where women and girls constantly strive to meet unrealistic standards in all areas, which ends in a cycle of constant self-demand and negative self-evaluation.

Difficulty in relationships: They may have difficulty establishing and maintaining healthy and equitable relationships, feeling compelled to please others at the expense of their own needs, which can lead to resentment and conflict in interpersonal relationships.

Chronic stress: Constant pressure to meet gender expectations results in a constant feeling of being overwhelmed by the need to balance multiple roles and responsibilities, which hurts their physical and emotional health.

Feelings of guilt and shame: They may experience intense feelings of guilt and shame when they do not conform to gender expectations or when they wish to deviate from traditional roles assigned to women.

What to do to get out of the good girl syndrome?

First of all, the most important thing is to recognize that you are functioning from the good girl syndrome. Self-knowledge is a very valuable tool and is the beginning of change. Many of the symptoms generated by behaving under these patterns are resistant to change. Therefore, psychotherapy is an effective tool from which we can review what modifications we need to make, as it is a challenging but liberating process. However, we can put into practice:

Setting limits and knowing how to say no.

Practice self-care and self-compassion.

Questioning gender norms.

Education and activism.

Seek support from those around us.

Seek psychological advice.

Conclusion

Despite societal pressures to conform to traditional gender roles, many women and girls have developed feminist resistance strategies to challenge and subvert these expectations to break out of the workings of the good girl syndrome. This may include participating in feminist movements, seeking out role models who challenge gender norms, and building relationships based on equality and mutual respect.

Addressing the good girl syndrome from a feminist perspective involves working towards a broader cultural transformation that challenges and deconstructs systems of gender oppression. The line of work from psychological therapy focuses on questioning and challenging gender stereotypes, promoting inclusive gender education, and creating a safe and empowering space for women.

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